only immediate family is to sit Shiva. siblings and 1st generation offspring. and if the parent(s) of the dead are still alive, they too are expected to sit Shiva. During Shiva, the mourners are expected to sit on a low chair or crate or the like, for the purpose of preventing comfort. a mourner is not allowed to answer a door, or a phone. instead those visiting a mourner are expected to simply walk right in and go about their business for being there it is inappropriate to greet the mourning directly as you would at a social event. (this one is particularly difficult to accomplish when siting Shiva in a hotel where the door locks automatically, and it is not recommended to leave the door propped open.) Mirrors are to be covered so that the mourners cannot be vain, and they are expected not to shave or trim their beards, die their hair, or any other beautification. Hygiene is allowed but one should be careful where they draw the line between the two. there are enough rules to fill volumes but these are a few so that one may get the gist of it.
My Father and his brother decided to sit Shiva for their mother at a hotel, because of the fractured nature of the family in atlanta now. Dad's new wife was unhappy with the hotel because it isn't fancy enough for her, she was fond of calling it "motel 8 with roof over the courtyard." She was also fairly out of her element since she only has been a part of this family a few months. She found it hard to be the center of attention, which is the only place she is adjusted to being. She managed to drive a wedge down the middle of this family in record time. She became so obnoxious to my Aunt that my Uncle told her to leave his room and not return. She is the most self-centered spoiled brat I've ever met and a bigger drama queen than anyone in N9 could possibly aspire to be. she was bred for it. She doesn't share well. She managed to cut my father's Shiva to a day and a half. After that she was bored of it and decided that she wanted to leave the hotel. That is fine with me, but I will never understand how she convinced my father that he should leave. I told my father on the phone today that until my sister gets an apology from his "snobby, stuck-up, misogynistic bitch wife", I will have nothing more to do with her, or him. He started to defend her actions and I cut him off... I told him that even if what She says happened between them actually happened that way, that still would not justify a woman in her forties throwing things at my sister. At no time would that be justified, but especially while we are mourning the loss of my grandmother. He said that my sister and I are not the ones in mourning, that he is. I reminded him that we are her grandchildren, his wife was nothing to her. He said that it's his wife's job to defend him and his job to defend her. I said not against your children and I hung up. I will not call him. I did learn tonight from talking with my Aunt and Uncle, that there is more there then I have seen. things that I'd rather not share on LJ. but at least it makes a little more sense now. It just makes me sadder. I don't see what I can do, if anything, to try and alleviate the tension so that we can all help each other recover.