Techaholic (techaholic) wrote,
Techaholic
techaholic

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Worry

I am not the type to worry without hard evidence to support it, but...

Gabi left here hours ago, saying she would call when she got home.

That is part of the normal routine.

She has not called.

If I go drive the route to find her safe at home I will be relieved, and feel like a fool.

If I don't go and find that I should have I will feel far worse than foolish.

There are a million reasons why she might not have called.

Almost all of them don't involve anything requiring my assistance or concern.

It's a quarter 'till five.

If I call and she's not home yet, and something awful is the cause, it's still more than likely too late for me to do anything about it.

If I call and she's there and asleep, I will wake her mother. NOBODY want's that.

If I don't call and... (see above)

1)choices:
A) drive the route
B) call the house
C) worry

IF "1" = "A", and Gabi is home safe; THEN:
2A)do I:
A) stay there (assuming the door is unlocked, as knocking is no better than calling)
B) turn around and drive home
C) sleep in the parking lot in my van, awaiting her call when she wakes

IF "1" = "B", and Gabi does not answer; THEN:
2B)should I:
A) try again in a few minutes, repeat until I am call-blocked
B) change "1" = "A" instead of "1" = "B"
C) change "1" = "C" instead of "1" = "B"

(now that I look at it, "2B" is the same as "1" but with "lather, rinse, repeat as necessary" added.)

If the shoe was on the other foot, as it usually is in these cases, I would be flattered by Gabi's concern, but not until much after I chewed her out for worrying over nothing. I know this because I've done it more than once. with very rare exception I can count on Gabi to call me when she says she will. In contrast, Gabi can usually count on me not to call when I say I will. The sad irony is that when I brake my routine I get praised. When she brakes her routine I am left to worry and stress out, which I know from past experience I will take out on her. To date, knowledge of this eventuality has not circumvented it. I really suck ass sometimes.

The Real Question(tm) is am I stalling now, or have I already decided that "1" = "C" without admitting I'm losing MAJOR hero points by not driving the route?

My tag is finally paid (3 weeks of nail biting over).

My license is in jeopardy due to extreme speeding on my unregistered, untagged, uninsured motorcycle, but currently still valid.

I actually have gas money right now.

I've been sipping rum for hours, but only sipping. I'm easily sober.

Why should "1" not = "A"?

I am quite tired, but that hasn't stopped me from driving on many less important subjects.

I just suck.
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